Sweet Gas Relief

Have you seen gas prices lately? Holy sh*t, gas is freakin’ CHEAP! We’re talking prices dropping lower than your inhibitions on prom night. What do these ridiculous savings mean for you? Your beer and dirty mag budget has just increased tenfold! We had nothing better to do, so we called Jazzy at the gas station down the street to get some answers for ourselves.

"JAZZY"

- Works at 7-11
- Loves Taylor Swift
- Not a fan of the Taco Bell breakfast menu

Jazzy’s Top Reasons for Cheap Gas:

1. MORE AMERICAN OIL PRODUCTION

2. NEW Quadruple-Decker TANKER SHIPS Now MAKE TRANSPORTING OIL MORE COST EFFECTIVE

3. THE NEW XXXXL Space OIL PIPELINE

4. Beans

Stupid question time: Will gas prices stay this low forever?

Answer: Hell no! If you'd like to help keep prices down, write to city officials and/or D-list celebrities. Your letters will do one of two things: either spark the next revolution, or be sent directly to the city incinerator.

So now you know. Good for you. Now go fill up every empty container you can find in your house with cheap fuel, simply because you can!